Think about your first dating with a beautiful girl which has gone out of your control. You failed in this dating because you have failed in your way of communication, which is one of the most sustainable building block for a long term relationship. Here is more.
The purpose of Communication in Relationship
The purpose of communication is to relate, it is what enables us to let someone know how we feel and think. If you remember the times in your relationship when you chose to stop talking or relating, these were also the times when you will not have been the most satisfied with the relationship.
The Quality of my Communication
‘The quality of your communication is directly proportional to the quality of your relationship. ‘
If the very purpose of communication is to relate, we have to ask ourselves: What is the quality of my communication? The answer to that question will be also saying a lot about the quality of your relationship. I assume that most of my readers would agree that the better the communication, the more we understand each other and feel heard, the closer the connection.
The first thing we notice when a bond with someone is strained is that our comfort around talking to them is also tainted. This is when we talk about trivial matter as opposed to the real issue or avoid the person altogether.
Improving Communication
Even though you have learnt and practiced to communicate since you started talking as a child, we can always add more skills. Communication is not something that you can either do or not, it is a skill with various degrees of mastering. In my therapy clinic I have numerous clients who come to me because their relationships are not meeting their expectations. In most cases the quality of their communication abilities needs to be upgraded. Once clients realise that and are willing to change what hasn’t been working, they will inevitably experience much more satisfaction, in themselves and in their relating.
The steps to improve your communication style goes through the four phases of learning:
1. Being unaware: You don’t yet know that there is a problem.
2. Becoming aware of the lack or unsatisfactory communication skill: Once you know you can take the next step to change.
3. Learning new strategies and skills and applying them consciously: This phase is the learning phase, which for most people is slightly uncomfortable. In this phase you have to work with trial and error, being ready to make mistakes and learn from them.
4. Applying your new communication skills without having to think about it: In this phase you are unconsciously using your skills and are able to reflect on your interactions in relationships.
To find out more about communication you might also be interested to read the following articles:
The 2 Things You Need to Learn When Communicating
Why Good Communication Makes Relationships More Successful
Communicating With Your Significant Other – 10 Tips For Success
The 7 C’s of Communication
How to Increase Communication in Your Relationship
Want to know more? Have a look at my blog.
Nathalie Himmelrich is the founder of ‘Reach for the Sky Therapy’ on Sydney’s Northern Beaches and specialises in ‘relationship related issues’. She is working with individuals and couples using techniques ranging from Counselling, Neuro Linguistic Programming to Journey Therapy. She supports clients in their personal growth in a supportive and professional environment.
Visit my website: http://www.reachforthesky.com.au or visit my blog: http://reachforthesky.wordpress.com and sign up for our newsletter today.