Is Forgiving Infidelity Necessary?

The dictionary defines forgiveness as the “disposition or willingness to forgive.” However, one thing most victims of an affair find most challenging is forgiving infidelity especially if the cheating spouse does not ask for forgiveness or shows genuine remorse for the pain and hurt they’ve caused.

Saying I’m sorry seems to be such a simple thing – just two small words – and yet it can have an enormous meaning and impact in a marriage torn apart by infidelity. If you are the injured party waiting for your spouse to apologize to you for having an affair, those words can and do mean a lot. Among other things, they…

acknowledge the pain your spouse has caused you by his selfish actions and inexcusable behavior.
validate the hurt and disappointment that you are now feeling.
let your cheating spouse recognize that he or she has committed a grave wrong and placed your marriage in  jeopardy.

If you do not hear those words coming from your cheating spouse’s lips, you may find yourself in a state of uncertainty, waiting to move on, yet thinking you are unable to because you have placed great importance on hearing true remorse, responsibility, and requests for forgiveness.

In order to move on and try to salvage your marriage, the cheating spouse should apologize and beg forgiveness, but that does not mean that it will happen. It’s hard enough forgiving infidelity even when the cheater is apologetic and  truly remorseful because you still have to deal with the emotional after-effects of the affair.

No one can tell you whether you should or should not forgive your spouse for cheating on you. That’s your decision to make and yours only. Since forgiveness can mean different things, you should define what it actually means to you. What is your idea of forgiveness?  What would it mean to you if your spouse offered a genuine, heartfelt apology and was truly remorseful? How would you feel if your spouse never expresses any regret for all the pain and suffering they’ve caused you?  

Forgiving infidelity and repairing the damage done to your marriage is not an easy process. Right now you may be at a lost trying to figure out how you can move forward when your cheating spouse is still hurting you by not apologizing for what he has done. But regardless of your spouse’s behavior, you still need to come to terms with the affair.