One Thing That Could Be Standing Between You and the Relationship You REALLY Want with Your Woman

By Otto Collins

Eli is worried about his marriage. He is tired of all of the arguing and tension that seem to have become the norm between himself and his wife.

While he acknowledges that it’s not just his wife who is to blame for the conflict and distance that’s come between the two of them, he is frustrated about the whole situation. He has read articles and books about what it takes to turn around bad relationship habits like the ones they have…and it all sounds like a lot of hard work.

It’s not that Eli is unwilling to do the work required to turn his relationship around, he is concerned that he’ll put in a lot of effort and they could still end up in divorce court one day. The whole situation seems hopeless.

If you and your partner have fallen into relationship habits that are tearing you apart, you might be grappling with some of the same concerns and questions as Eli.

Is there really anything that I can do to change these bad habits?

Is my relationship as good as it will ever be and do I just need to accept that (or move on)?

Is all of the hard work to improve my relationship going to pay off?

These are important questions to consider. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees that you and your woman will stay together or that you will be able to bring the improvements that you seek to your relationship.

However, there is a HUGE belief that often stands in the way of real and positive relationship change happening and it’s this…

The belief that it always takes an immense amount of hard and difficult work to change bad relationship habits is most certainly part of the problem.

Think about it this way…

If a major project at work has landed on your desk– or has become your responsibility– doesn’t your attitude about the project itself make a difference in how the whole thing goes?

Perhaps you’ve been dreading this project and maybe even tried to get out of doing it. Maybe you are unsure if you have the skill, talent, energy, contacts, etc. to get the job done well.

With beliefs like this about the project, it’s likely that the whole thing is going to feel ten times more difficult and draining than it might otherwise feel. It’s also likely that your attitude will come through in the quality of the project itself.

On the other hand, if you acknowledge that this project will stretch you, but you greet the challenge with the attitude that you will do the best you can, will reach out for support and assistance when necessary and that you might even enjoy what you learn along the way to completing the project, it’s bound to be a very different (and more positive) experience for you.

Your beliefs and attitude are absolutely key to whether or not your bad relationship habits can be turned around and whether or not those changes will stick.

Get curious about your attitude and beliefs.

Instead of taking this message as some kind of statement that you’re doing this relationship thing “all wrong” and that your attitude is to blame, I encourage you to get curious.

We all have beliefs that stand in the way of the very things we most want. We all have resistance to making changes. After all, what we know is comfortable (even if it is painful) and it is what we know. The idea of doing and being something new can seem daunting.

If it helps, you might write down all of the thoughts and beliefs you notice moving through your mind relative to the bad relationship habits you’ve identified.

For the moment, focus in on what you think and how you feel. Your partner might have her own resistance and limiting beliefs but you can’t change those for her.

The intention here is to gain a deeper understanding of what is fueling your beliefs that making changes like these is “hard work,” that it’s not “guaranteed to pay off” or that this is as “good as it can get.”

If you recognize past experiences that may have cemented these beliefs in your mind, make note of that too.

Start making changes to your limiting beliefs.

The better you can understand your resistance, the easier it can be to interrupt yourself mid-thought. These interruptions can help you create space in which you can make a choice to challenge your limiting beliefs.

I know, it’s not always so easy to simply change the way that you think– and possibly the way you’ve been thinking for many, many years. It requires perseverance and patience.

You need to keep listening to yourself with kindness and compassion too. When you hear yourself thinking or saying something that is not supportive of the changes you’d like to make, stop yourself.

Ask yourself if there is another possibility. Could it be that these efforts will “pay off” and be successful? Could it be that this won’t be such “hard and difficult work” as you initially thought?

The more you can challenge the limiting thoughts, the greater chance you will have to consider some new ways of thinking about and approaching the improvements you want to make to your relationship.